tw: health crap, hating myself, wondering why I’m alive,etc.
I am really upset about spoons and not having them and not being able to do things other people can do.
Like. How am I supposed to make friends and function and be able to do things outside of work and my hobbies.
I’ve expanded to hobbies, but I’m so tired all the time and me trying to do things with people while also needing to work on my house has been too much
I’ve had migraines for weeks, I just haven’t talked about them a lot, unless they’re really really bad
I haven’t had migraines like this for years ,the last time I was in and out of the hospital a lot and they did all these tests and gave me meds that made me want to kill myself
I just want to be a normal person
I want to be able to go to a show and then not have to go home immediately afterwards because I’m out of spoons
I didn’t do that tonight, but I am in a lot of pain right now because of it.
I hate this so much. I’m never going to be able to do things normal people do. No one is going to like me ever, because I’m going to be a hermit homebody that never goes out and does things because I will never have enough spoons.
I don’t have a support system. One of my best friends is moving. Nevermind, two of them, and if I want anything at all to happen i have to do everything myself. I have no help.
I’m so tired and I just want to be normal and I’m just mad.
I’m mad at my body. There’s no physical evidence that you can see that would indicate that I’m sick or that I have any health problems
I don’t even know how to describe chronic illness to someone who doesn’t already know what it is.
I feel like I’m full of lactic acid and I feel nauseous because of the birth control and I just want to cry because I’m stupid and not good neough because I’m just stupid and sick all the time and why do I have to be sick all the time
what the fuck is wrong with me
there’s always something wrong with me why am I even alive
"But stereotypes exist for a reason!"
Yes and that reason is that humans love to make broad generalizations to support their preconceived prejudices without having to bother considering the fact that every human is different no matter how hard you try to shove them into a box.
My stepdad is Creole, he grew up on the westbank, he has an accent,
my little sister and my baby brother and my stepsiblings are all mixed.
My stepsiblings are Latin@ and Creole, and me and my siblings are Choctaw, Black, French, and Dutch.
This is too close to home. Literally and figuratively.
I mean, we call the neighboring small town HaraKLAN instead of Harahan, but I thought parts of River Ridge were ‘colorblind.’
I guess it doesn’t matter since we don’t have our own police because it’s too small.
You can’t even DRIVE THROUGH HARAHAN BEING BLACK without being arrested.
My stepdad had a black friend he was coming from work with in the car, and he (the friend) got arrested.
my mom said “You should know better than to go through Harahan with a black man in your car.”
I forgot I was talking about police brutality and racism to my mom and told her about the thing I’d seen, and she was like, “Oh, those were our neighbors,” and then told me all the details.
I’m off work 4 1/2 hours early.
Time to do stuff I didn’t have the time to do because I worked yesterday.
pig-along said: im curious if you know where i should take this issue or have any advice? my parents were each abused as children, and my father went on to beat my mother. since then, they also made me a target, and the psychological/emotional continues to this day. im 25, but cant see my underage siblings without parents, so we have a lot of fights. i dont know how to deal with abusers who were also abused, and keep myself and siblings safe. in july is a weeklong event with everyone that i cant miss (1/2)
(2/2) for the sake of my siblings (my one adult siblings wedding), and in the time leading up to it ive got nothing but crazy-making and hate from my parents. according to them, my siblings now feel the same way, and im heartbroken. this has happened to someone before, i would guess, so i wonder what they did, what i could do?
It doesn’t matter what’s happened to someone.
Their actions are their own. If they are unwilling to unpack their own experiences to be better people, to treat themselves and others better, that is their own fault. Period.
The whole “cycle of abuse” thing is bullshit.
It’s just that it’s really fucking hard to unlearn things and to restructure your way of thinking, your idea of relationships, to be aware enough to understand what you’re doing that’s harmful and why you HAVE to change that. Because you and the people around you are worth more than that.
It’s not easy. It’s really, really fucking hard. But it’s the only thing that works.
And whether or not someone is in this process, if how they are treating other people is abusive, no one should be around them. No one deserves to be treated like that.
No one should think abusive behavior is normal or healthy, or to be expected.
This goes for family, friendships, relationships of any type.
You don’t need to maintain connections with people who are abusive, regardless of how much you care about them. You need to care about yourself more/enough that you do what is best for you.
And if that means leaving your family or cutting off contact, so be it.
I have a grandmother who has done some work unpacking her own abuse as a child, but she’s stopped, and she’s extremely toxic.
So I only communicate with her when I have the spoons to, and if she’s awful, I end the conversation as quickly as possible and I don’t talk to her for a while. And I think she gets the message.
My boundaries are that I refuse to be treated with any less worth or respect than I deserve. So if that happens, I’m done with the relationship. Period.
I’ve spent too long milking/trying to hold together relationships that were really really bad for me, because I genuinely cared about the people.
But in that, I learned bad things. I learned that people who cared about you would hurt you and be manipulative, and all of these fucked up things that I expected and looked for in relationships, because those were also people who loved me.
But it was toxic and abusive, and those are not the kind of relationships that will be good for me.
A lot of people have cut off contact from abusive parents. Or maintained strictly limited contact.
I know with me, I didn’t see things until I was out of the situation.
Older siblings can encourage younger siblings by moving out, by talking about it, by encouraging younger siblings to also leave, for whatever reason.
A shift in persepctive puts a lot of things into perspective, finally.
There is a book I really like called When Dad Hurts Mom, by Lundy Bancroft. I’ve only read maybe half of it, but it helped me unpack a lot of my mom’s decisions, things I didn’t even know I resented her for, and to understand a lot of how families are impacted by abuse.
Maybe that would help some. It’s given me ways to talk about what I’ve experienced, and while it’s aimed towards the spouse or partner of an abuser, I learned a lot from the perspective of the oldest child.
My main thing would be to educate yourself as much as possible, so you have concrete words to hold to and to better understand what you’ve been through and what you’re going through, and to maintain healthy communication with your siblings, if possible. And to talk openly about your parent’s abuse. Siblings have the best ability to do that. As a parent or partner you feel obligated not to ‘shit talk’ the other person, but as a sibling, you have free reign to do whatever you want.
I talk honestly and frankly about how horrible my dad was/is all the time, and while my mom used to say that I shouldn’t talk badly of him to my baby brother, now she says, “Well, you know how Anjle talks about him? That’s how he is. All of that is true. He’s like that.”
I don’t know if this is helpful or what you were asking about, but I hope this makes sense (I woke up in the middle of the night), and that it’s somewhat helpful? You can just ask if you have any other questions or anything?
Also, followers from abusive families with siblings feel free to chime in.
A Voice for Men, a men’s rights site that is most notable for being featured as a hate site by the Southern Poverty Law Center, is currently hosting a conference on men’s issues in Detroit.
The images above are direct quotes of what some of the speakers at this men’s rights conference have said.
Sit back and marvel at the newest human rights movement.
Please share this post far and wide so everyone knows exactly what men’s rights activists believe!
the worst part is that these people really do think they are right.